Guitars and Candide.

I decided that my next guitar shall be a Taylor. I'm hoping I can snag a 414CE, which is a Grand Auditorium with a Sitka spruce/ovangkol combo and an ES pickup... if only, if only. I really liked the sound of ovangkol, and I realized how much I missed the midrange on my mahogany guitar after playing a rosewood for so long... so, mom and dad, you know what to get me for graduation :D Just kidding... if I decide to invest in another guitar, I'll have to wait till college, probably...

On to... Candide, a satirical novel by Voltaire, who is very dirty, by the way. One thing that Pangloss (a philosopher and teacher) continually emphasized was how things, no matter how bleak or horrible, will turn out for the best, which got me thinking... is that really true? I think that God puts us in various situations that don't always turn out the way we'd like them to, which causes us to question Him and kinda lose hope, but in the end we kinda have this little epiphany like, "Oh, this is why He did this back then, and not that..." which is really an awesome thing, because God's always looking out for me, not just in the present, but in the weeks, months, years, and eternity to come. I heart God :]

College.

I hate SAT's. I thought 2100 was a great score, then these Ivy Leagues tell me their AVERAGE or bottom 25% get less than a 2300!! A TWENTY-THREE HUNDRED. I digress...

So yeah. I can't decide between Chemistry, Biology, or Biochemistry, but I feel like I'd have the most fun in Biochem just because I'm nerdy like that.

My expanded list of schools:
UCLA
UC Berkeley
UCSD
UCI
Stanford
Yale
Harvard
Brown
Princeton
Johns Hopkins
Rice
St. Edwards
Oxford

The schools I'll probably actually apply to:
UCLA
UC Berkeley
UCSD
UCI
Stanford
Harvard
Yale
Brown
Johns Hopkins

Which is still a lot... I am so screwed -.-'''

Reflections on a Football Game (and Afterwards)

I'm listening to John Mayer and Jazon Mraz right now... oddly calming stuff. I find it pretty cool that so many people with the initials J.M. are musically talented... guess I missed out :] Kina Grannis is pretty cool too... happa! (I'm pretty sure that's NOT how you spell it...)



Anyways, yesterday was our first South High Varsity football game in the new South High football stadium, complete with bleachers that weren't falling apart and extremely loud speakers that nearly burst my eardrums... and a horribly unprepared marching band... was it our fault for not preparing the rest of the band enough? Was it MY fault for failing to be a good section leader? No one respects or listens to me... it's pretty sad... I'm disappointed in everyone, but most of all myself. I wish everyone would just shape up, but I guess no one will if the section leaders don't. I was pretty close to a complete meltdown from anger and frustration at the end of the game. And after the game, Mr. King yelled at us, and rightly so... we couldn't even assemble a parade block to exit the stadium... Rrrrr.

Enough of that though. So after fueling my anger into cleaning the band room (like I usually do), we went off to Lamppost (like I usually do). I heard a little rumor that was circulating about my "winner"... sooooo dumb aiyahhh. These people DD:

Yup. So the first night was pretty much fail.

Anger Management.

When you're angry, it's generally better to keep your mouth shut. I realize how stupid I sound every time I say something when I'm all fired up about something... that is all.

Guitars.

For some reason, I want a Larrivee koa guitar... and there are several selling on e-Bay for $100 starting. Too bad my parents took all my money away for no reason. Wot reason, you be asking? I bought a pair of Rainbows!! Ohhh the HORROR, the absolute HORROR. Well tell me that I'm the uncontrollable spender again when there are exactly 68 pairs of your shoes sitting in the garage, mom! I digress.

Stability and Security.

If you've been following Obama's public appearances lately, you'll know what I'm talking about... but does this phrase really sound Socialist? I know it reminds me of Brave New World (*cough*), but really?? And why would America be accusing him of being a non-democratic IF THEY ELECTED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

And one last thing for this little mini-rant. Obama is planning to address the nation's schoolchildren tomorrow on a nationally televised broadcast of a speech that's been causing no end of criticism and controversy. Since when was telling children to do their best in school a Socialistic thing to do???

America is stupid. I hate politics.

ASB.

I guess it's better that I'm actually writing somewhat frequently and candidly about specific topics rather than random spurts of inspired blogging... I kinda feel like I should theme my posts in some way, but that's OK.

So a few weeks ago (actually, just a little less than 2) I went to registration at South High! The last time I would have to stand in those infernal lines, or so I thought; Mr. King scored us the early-in (also "or so we thought"), because we had to wait until 8 AM anyways... but that's besides the point. My point is, as the title suggests, ASB. For those of you who don't know, I ran for ASB as the Commissioner of Fine Arts sometime during the second semester of my junior year. Unfortunately, I lost the race despite a huge amount of effort and going out of my comfort zone. The experience was a growing one, and not to say it wasn't rewarding, but it wasn't really tangibly so. Why didn't I get the post?? I thought it was quite unfair.

But when I came to registration and saw ASB hard at work, I realized that I wouldn't really have been able to do all the summer stuff, as I had band camp in the mornings anyways. A lot of stuff that I contest with God usually turns out being "oh well, I wouldn't have been able to do this anyways, so it's a good thing I didn't do it" kind of thing; I guess one of my strengths is time management, but also one of my weaknesses, as I sometimes load too much on myself without knowing it beforehand. I won't deny that I was jealous of the ASB members, because it was something that I wanted to do, to be able to genuinely serve the school in ways that I knew how; I wasn't interested in that "looks good on college apps" career benefit. And when I see them goofing off or hanging out together, I can feel that green monster clawing its way out of my heart... it's a horrible feeling.

I guess knowing that I wouldn't have been able to devote all my time to ASB isn't really fair compensation for losing the race and facing disappointment... but it definitely helped me to jump clear out of my comfort zone and do things I never would have done, even in a normal Student Council election. And it helped hit home the fact that no matter how much effort you put into something, if it's something God doesn't want for you, it's not something God wants for you. He knows best, period.

Relationships

I am utterly amazed at all the new couples that have popped up within the last few months...

How do I feel amidst all the amore? What do I want? What SHOULD I want? So many questions plague my mind. Relationships are perhaps not the most pressing piece of business floating around inside my twisted noggin, but it's definitely somewhere in there.

On one hand, I am happy about having gotten through all my relationship stuff this past year; it's one less thing to have to think about. On the other hand though, it's something that I want, but I know I shouldn't, because the reasons for it are all wrong. My affections are constantly strewn this way and that, I don't know who I like or who I have a crush on... it is just so frustrating. I constantly wonder, oh maybe I like this person or, oh is she the one? or stupid things like that. Am I jealous of other people? If something ever comes up and I have the opportunity to date someone, would I do it; why would I do it? Aalsdkfja sdfiohgosdjfkfgowriaffdjlskfasdfaskdf whyamIateenager. -.-

Hormones suck. Except that they make me grow taller. Aasdlfkj.

Band Camp.

Wow, tomorrow is the LAST DAY of band camp. I am both excited and sad... it will be my last! :[

I honestly had a lot of fun hanging out with the bandies (though Rebekah would suggest otherwise *cough*)... it was weird being one of the "oldest" in the group. It was also weird being a section leader... I am definitely not one to be taking the reins or yelling at people :P

As I look back on the previous 3 years, a lot of things have changed... one, the schedule is weirddddd. I got a lot tanner this year haha. But I guess as a person, things were different. Freshmen year, I was scared by everybody and was incredibly shy (I know, weird). Sophomore year, I got... sophomoritis...? Junior year was OK... not being able to play wasn't very fun :/ And now this year... I realized that I am a lot more comfortable as a player and marcher, and that I had no problem in going up to and talking with people I didn't even know at all. It's crazy.

As a section leader, though, I realize how much more responsibility there is. Not only do you have to play your (memorized) music, make sure you're in time and marching in the right direction at the right pace on the correct foot without hitting anyone else, execute any and all visuals flawlessly, you have to do it for EVERYONE in your section... insanity DD:

So yeah... just random blurbs about band. It's been an awesome four years, and I can't wait for the rest of the season to happen!!